In the Book of Genesis, we come across a woman by the name of Leah. Now Leah’s story is the epitome of rejection. Her husband was tricked into marrying her and, when he found out, he was rather upset since he was in love with her younger sister and had made arrangements to marry her. Poor Leah had an eye problem. All we can gather is what Genesis tells us, “Leah was tender-eyed” which could mean anything. Leah’s story, however, has little to do with her eyes and more to do with the way she was rejected by her husband. She bore him 10 strong sons, while her sister was barren. I can only imagine how desperate she was to please him, but nothing worked. Sometimes rejection can make you desperate for acceptance no matter what happens or whether or not that acceptance will ever come.
What is Rejection?
Let’s start by defining rejection. Rejection, simply put, is the act of pushing someone or something away. It could be anyone from a family member, friends, boyfriend or girlfriend. It could be on a large scale or just every day occurrences that can cause you to feel rejection. This rejection can be hard to deal with. Rejection can lead to feelings of sadness, shame or grief. These emotions can be caused by a few things such as the end of a relationship, few or no friends, adoption (abandonment) or a parent leaving. It can even be something as simple as losing a job or a position in your company. It could even be a bad interview at a college.
Accompanying rejection, is the fear thereof. This can cause you to cut off yourself off entirely from other people because you are afraid they will reject you. Although this may help you deal with your fear of rejection, it can also cause you to feel emotions such loneliness and depression. Disorders associated with rejection can be BPD (borderline personality disorder)/EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder) and AVPD (avoidant personality disorder). BPD/EUPD can lead to self-harm while AVPD can cause harm to your work and personal relationships.
How do I deal with it?
There are many ways to deal with rejection, but it does take time to recover from rejection. The first step is allowing yourself to feel the emotions that accompany the rejection as well as to process what’s happened. You need to identify what these emotions are and how to deal with them and from there you can start to get over the pain of the rejection. Making a list of all your positive attributes can help draw your head out of the cycle of negative emotions. Ask yourself “What makes me great?” and from there compose your list. This simple act of jotting down all your positive attributes on paper is a great way to inspire positive thoughts and restore your confidence.
The next thing you need to ask yourself is: “Why?” Why was I rejected? What did I do? This isn’t always the case in some relationships, but if you suddenly find yourself in a situation where you have no friends you may want to know why. This is always helpful even if just for your benefit. Asking yourself if there were things you could’ve done differently is never bad, just as long as you remember it’s for your benefit not to create self-hate. Don’t be so harsh on yourself and whatever you do–DON’T CRITIZE YOURSELF! That is not the point in checking your heart, besides there if nothing is wrong, you’ll only end up hurting yourself even if you’ve done nothing wrong or becoming bitter towards everybody. If you’ve had a bad first date or had a terrible visit with a friend or family member it is extremely important to avoid this as it can cause you to prevent further visits or dates with people and this can cause you to have AVPD where you find yourself unable to work or relate to other people.
The last thing and the most important thing is to have loving friends who will support you and keep you from falling into a pit of self-criticism and hate. It’s a known fact that some good old-fashioned girl talk is the best remedy for getting over hurt or rejection. Men are no different. Going out with the boys is a great way to get over something that has hurt you. Something as simple as an uplifting text can be enough. Visiting a friend can actually make you forget what was wrong in the first place. If you’re a person on call centre or a telemarketer, it’s sometimes hard to be objective and not to take it personally. I’ve worked on call centre and have done thousands of cold calls. It’s often hard to accept that inevitable click in your ear when they drop the call, but remember you’ve done nothing wrong.
We’ve spoken about the impact rejection can have on you and how to deal with it. We all suffer rejection in our lives, but it should never stop you from being brave and doing what you want. Remember at the end of the day, this is for your benefit and no one else. Dealing with rejection is never easy and it’s not easy to overcome, but remember you are not alone. Millions of people across the globe have felt that familiar sting. If you ever feel alone or like you’re a reject, give a friend a phone call or listen to some really uplifting music and think positive uplifting thoughts.
The best way to deal with rejection is to face it and move on to better things.
God bless all of you, my precious avidReaders